Talking at the men’s group this morning that’s going through Every Man’s Marriage, some of the guys thought the book sounded a little like it was saying we (men) should just do whatever our wives want. Of course, that doesn’t sound to spiritual or even enticing so some of us rebelled a little against that thought. It got me thinking though.
It’s not so much that happy marriages happen or marriages work because husbands do whatever their wives tell them to. Good marriages happen because husbands understand what their wives are talking about and then take action. If my wife feels like I hear her, like I understand what she’s saying, like I care about it – I’ve validated her as a person. Even if I disagree and I make a different decision, I have respected her. More often though, she may have a great point or something I need to take into consideration and when I do that, I’ll do it “her” way. Not because I’m doing what she says, but because I love her and understand what she’s saying.
Understanding our wives is hard work. It’s always easier to just do what she asks. It’s harder to really understand what she’s asking. A request to help around the house may mean “I need you to recognize my worth (validate me).” Her asking you to call if you’re going to be late may mean “I don’t feel like a priority.” Making a woman feel like a priority is hard work…it’s requires us to be less selfish and more giving. It might require us to change how we think and act. We might need to change OUR attitude before her’s changes. But when our motivation is to love our wives, it won’t really be about “doing what she says.”